Hey gang! Dad here. This week’s blog post comes from my lovely, wonderful, kind, patient, pretty wife who is definitely not mad at me for leaving the kitchen a complete mess last night. She’s been staying at home with the Captain since he was born and today decided to keep the Duchess home from daycare for a fun filled stay at home mom day. Here’s what happened: 

Ten years ago, I would have told you that I would NEVER be a stay-at-home mom. You know, because of something to do with Feminism… and because I want to “contribute” to the household like an equal member of society. (Since clearly the only way to contribute is money.) Now, at 25, I still think I will never be a stay-at-home mom but for an entirely different reason: it’s hard as shit.

I look at so many of my
friends these days and they are all doing it. Not only are they staying at home
with their kids, but they have three or even four small humans running around.
We have one small human and a glorified, squishy paperweight and I can barely
cut it. When I think of the ideal stay-at-home environment with my kids, I
picture reading lessons and snowball fights and trips to the aquarium. What I
actually get is scenes like this morning where I sat on the couch with the
Captain while allowing the Duchess to remove every ornament from our tree and
then roll around in them. Don’t worry, we can’t afford glass ornaments. 

Yes, I thought I’d give
it a try today and be a stay-at-home-with-both-my-kids kind of mom. How long did I
make it before I packed up the Duchess and toted her off to daycare? Three whole hours. Womp womp. 
By 10 A.M. I was completely overwhelmed. The Captain was hungry. The
Duchess was needy. She was following me around saying  “Carry
you! Carry you!” (which, in Duchess language, means ‘carry me‘ – pronouns aren’t her
thing, ok?). And I wanted to! But I was carrying the Captain too, and making
her breakfast, and trying to find the Captain’s binky which may or may not be
in my shirt and he starts to cry and The Duchess starts to cry and I start to
cry AND NOW WE’RE ALL CRYING AND NO ONE IS HAPPY AND I JUST WANT TO GO TO THE
AQUARIUM AND HAVE FREAKING SNOWBALL FIGHT!!!!!

So I broke down and took the Duchess to daycare. She would have more fun there than spending another minute at Kinnear Cryapalooza 2012.

I feel horrible. The
worst part is that the Duchess really likes her new little brother. She REALLY
likes him. As in, she wants to hold him and kiss him and lay next to him at all
times type of likes him. Like creepy girlfriend but not, because they’re
siblings and that is weird, and now I’m regretting starting this sentence kind of like
him. I really wanted them to have a day together – just not a day of all
of us crying together.

The Captain is still in
the sleep, eat, poop, I’m-just-a-cute-and-squishy-paperweight stage. But the
whole ‘eat‘ part of that equation is still happening every two hours or
so. So every two hours, I’m quite literally tethered to the Captain like a
dairy cow while simultaneously chasing around the Duchess up and down the
hallway calling to get her to put on underwear because that’s what we do as
civilized people. I’m just going to leave you with that visual. You’re
welcome.

OK. I am probably
blowing this a little out of proportion. I love my kids more than
anything in the whole world. I’m sure I would eventually love
staying home with my kids, and with hard work and practice I would probably be
a damn good SAHM (that’s what the cool moms call it). But I can honestly say
that it only took me three hours to realize that I’ve been completely
underestimating how difficult it would be. I need to pay my respect to the moms
and dads out there who do this every day. It is damn hard work and it is “contributing to
society.” I just don’t know if it is for me. I guess I’m
“lucky” that it isn’t really a decision we get to make right now. Who
knows, maybe someday it will be. Until then… someone needs to eat, and then
I’ve got to go pick up the Duchess from daycare. 

Love, 

Mom (Stevie)