Ladies and gentleman, I have arrived. I received my first piece of hate-mail this weekend. As hate mail goes, it’s actually rather tame, but I was excited to get it none the less. I stumbled across an anti-gay parenting blog the other day (I’m not going to link to it because they don’t deserve the traffic.) They had written a blog about how gay parents are ruining the world and gay people should just “keep it in the bedroom.” I left this comment:

Turns out that someone followed my profile back to Ask Your Dad, read my blog, and sent me my very first HATE MAIL!!

I promise I won’t make a habit of sharing every piece of useless hate-vomit I receive in my inbox, but in honor of my very first one I thought I’d share the original and an annotated version.

Original, unedited e-mail

“Are you a feminist? I saw your comment supporting LGBTs as a “straight father”. The only “straight fathers” I know who do that are feminists. Children need both a father and a mother. Both men and women. Feminist men are sickening and are contributing to the downfall of the West. Instead of having the picture of that man in black and white do the following: post a picture of Barack Obama and Sandra Fluke. Thank goodness that feminist women don’t reproduce. Your working “wife/mother” is probably one of the older generations. Young feminist girls don’t have children anymore thanks to contraception and abortion. It’s a good girl and there will be less of them around.“

– Young Anti-Feminist Millennial Girl

OK, let’s break it down:

Are you a feminist? (I don’t have a picture of Gloria Steinem in my wallet, and I try to avoid labels where possible, but if you’re asking if I support women’s rights, then yes I do.)

I saw your comment supporting LGBTs as a “straight father” (I like the quotation marks she puts around straight father. I can almost picture her making them with her hands.)

The only “straight fathers” (More ironic quotation marks) I know who do that are feminists. (These “straight” “feminist” “LGBT loving” “fathers” you “know” must just “LOVE” you. I bet you’re just the “life” of the party.)  

Children need both a father and a mother. Both men and women.(Those two sentences are a bit redundant, but ok. Arguing the importance of the nuclear family is a conversation worth having. I disagree with you to some degree. But I’m definitely willing to have a calm, rational discussion… ) Feminist men are sickening and are contributing to the downfall of the West. (And… you’ve lost me. You know, if you hate us women-loving Westies so much I know a couple countries where you’d just have a wonderful time!)  

Instead of having the picture of that man in black and white do the following: post a picture of Barack Obama and Sandra Fluke.(In the banner? Now you’re just being silly. But OK.)

Thank goodness that feminist women don’t reproduce.(Science) Your working “wife/mother” is probably one of the older generations. Young feminist girls don’t have children anymore thanks to contraception and abortion.(More Science. You can’t argue with that.) It’s a good girl and there will be less of them around. (I’m not sure what happened with this last sentence. My guess is that the author shoved her head so far up her own ass that the voice-to-text software she uses to compose angry e-mails whilst inserting her head into her rectum was unable to fully translate it. If I were to take a guess at its meaning, it would be that last sentence is saying that it’s a good thing that I have a daughter who I will, no doubt, imbue with my LGBT loving, feminist qualities – in turn socially sterilizing her with a contraception ridden, abortion filled life… and this is a good thing to the author because that will be the end of Feminism. You’re welcome.)

– Young Anti-Feminist Millennial Girl (Well, with a name like that her parents really picked her path for her. I suppose I should have named my daughter Young Pro-Women’s Rights Future Abortion Factory Contraception Consumption Mcgee. That was on our list, but my wife said no.)

–

So there you have it. I’d like to thank Young for taking the time to send me the e-mail. It felt good to laugh this weekend. I sincerely hope that she passes along her love and tolerance to the dozens of children I’m sure she is in the process of conceiving.

Love,

Dad

P.S. One more exciting note. Aside from the joy that was receiving my first hate mail, Ask Your Dad Blog hit two semi-major milestones last week. The Facebook Fan Page hit 100 followers and the blog itself surpassed 10,000 views in the two months it has been up! Thank you all for your support and please keep reading. I’m having a blast and hope you are too!

Hopefully this isn’t just my mom hitting the refresh button to make me feel better.